Think of it. How many people kill themselves day after day with self destructive behavior. Alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual addiction, gluttony are just a few of a myriad of ways we have devised to hurt ourselves. We have more sadistic ways. Religion is my favorite. How many times do we punish ourselves for not measuring up to ten ancient rules of conduct, dietary laws, prayer schedules, dress, deportment etc. How about those personal battles when we have evil thoughts and punish ourselves for misfiring neurons.
Our internal dialogs are more damning than the most emotionally abusive parent could ever be. We call ourselves stupid, ugly, unworthy, evil. We damn ourselves and thereby damn the world that we live in.
The world in which we live starts with those closest to us. These are the very ones we should be blessing and we end up damning. We fail at being gentle with ourselves and this leads to failing our dear ones in the same manner. They in turn fail their dear ones and so it goes till we are killing each other over whatever reason we have handy.
The first step is to be honest, you have not always been gentle with yourself. Often your not even aware that you are being cruel to yourself because the thoughts of self doubt, self loathing and hatred are many times so common to your mind they seem a natural thing. They are not. Those thoughts are a learned behavior. If they can be learned they can be unlearned. We have been walking in the sewers of our imaginations for too long.
Bath in the awareness of your own mindfullness and the offending thoughts will become more apparent. Do this by taking quiet moments for yourself and count your breaths. Count one and breath in naturally. Notice the air filling your lungs. Expand your belly and let your lower lungs fill up. Notice the tiny almost non existent pause between your breathing in and out. Notice the air leaving your lungs. Notice the way your belly naturally deflates. Notice the tiny pause before you inhale. Count two and do it again. Yes I'm talking about meditation again. The goal is to walk in mindfulness in each step with each word and with each action. A work of a lifetime perhaps but one with immediate benefits.
As the thoughts that cause you and you world pain come into your consciousness wink at them. Let them go and forgive yourself for your wrongs. Be aware of what you blame yourself for. Much of it is not your fault. Wink and laugh at your own stupidity. You are a monkey beating yourself with a stick. It serves no purpose except as a disturbing spectacle for the unworthy.
It takes a lot of energy to be self loathing. It takes almost as much to spread this to others. Use the energy you save for more worthy things. Work out. Take up a hobby. Help the poor. Make love more often. Write a blog.
