Internal Odyssey

Ernest Becker, Prophet Of Reason

2010-06-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

If he is right Ernest Becker the Pulitzer Prize winning author of "The Denial Of Death" and the author of "Escape From Evil" may go down in history as one of the great thinkers of all time.

His central thought is very simple and very profound. Becker believed that the great motivating force of all mankind is the fear of life and the fear of death. Fear ,he believed, is the great unnamed shadow that inhabits all men's minds and haunts our dreams. It is always present and always whispering to us that we will suffer and we will die.

This leads us to cover our fears with religion first and foremost but also addiction, consumerism, entertainment and any other thing that can mask the fear.

Becker said that maybe, just maybe the fear is amendable to the conscious mind. The goal is to stop living the the shadows of fear and start living in the light of reason.

Big Thoughts that I believe deserve serious thought. Becker's books are a bit dry but not hard reads and the payoff is huge.

This is just a gut feeling but my feeling is that Becker is on to something here because there is nothing complicated or convoluted about what he says. His ideas are simple and elegant like one of Einstein's equations.

Kitaro

2010-06-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

Kitaro is credited by many to be the founder of New Age music. You have probably heard his music without realizing it. He has done soundtracks for the movie "Heaven and Earth" and for the world famous documentary "Silk Road". Kitaro looks exactly like what you might think a musical innovator would look like with gaunt Asian features with long flowing black hair and beard and mustache.

His music is heavy on keyboard and synthesiser but he utilizes drums, guitar, flute, vocals and a variety of other instruments. Consider him first a composer, director and instrumentalist and then a performer. His albums and concerts are rich, interesting and moving with a sort of vast ocean like quality that underlies most of his work.

He has done three albums about the the monk who brought Buddhism to Japan. The three albums are called "The Sacred Journey of Ku-Kai" of course one, two and three. For me these are his best but not his only. Many would say his soundtrack for "Silk Road" is the masterpiece of his career. Enjoy the following video. This is not his worst or best but it is typical Kitaro.

Kitaro-Matsuri

Go Deeper, Mindfulness Versus Jhana Meditation

2010-06-07T06:02:00.000-07:00

The first goal of meditation is to become mindful. There is nothing mysterious about this, it is simply the act of quieting the mind so that you can be aware of what is happening here and now. It is the process of ridding yourself of the dozens or hundreds of thoughts that race through the mind just at the edge of the consciousness mind. These thoughts are not always in the conscious mind but they are close enough to create a background noise that distracts you from the moment. As you meditate you bring each of these thoughts into the conscious mind and the conscious mind melts each of these thoughts away leaving the mind a quieter and more tranquil place. Over a period of time there is just the moment that you are dwelling in. There is the feeling of hunger if you happen to be hungry. There is the smell of the food that you are preparing the sight of the food on the plate and the feelings of cessation as you eat the food being aware of each bite and each act of consumption. The benefits of mindfulness meditation are many. They include but are not limited to enjoyment of the simple things of life, better performance at work and at school, more enjoyment of sports and games, more enjoyment of interpersonal relationships. All these benefits are due to the increased ability to concentrate and focus on the moment. Mindfulness meditation calms and focuses the mind but there is more. You can go deeper!

Without the noise of your mind distracting you things change. Of course you will be able to be more focused on the situation at hand and this can and does translate into more satisfaction in daily life. One benefit that it brings is this. Without the noise blocking it you will notice a sort of ever present sense of joy or well being. This is the bodies natural state. To enter the first Jhana state of meditation you simply need to take your focus away from your breath and put it on the this sense of well being. You will find this immersing and joyful. It is like taking a lovely, long, luxurious bath of lavender and lilac. It is not something you have to make yourself do. This is the first Jhana state there are eight altogether. The first four are called the material Jhanas. They are of this world but just on the edge of this reality sort of like the thoughts on the edge of your conscious mind. The last four Jhanas are the immaterial Jhanas and are of a altogether different reality.

For myself I entered the first Jhana years ago quite by accident when I lost track of time while on a walk through the woods. I remember looking up into the trees arching over the path and seeing the light flowing through the leaves and I remember thinking that it was like seeping sunlight flowing through stained glass windows in a cathedral. That was the last thought I had for 40 or 45 minutes. I remember standing there tears flowing down my face at the wonder and joy of life. I was not really thinking of wonder and joy but I felt a deep sense of joyfulness of well being. I did not know how long I was standing there till I got back to my car and looked at my watch and realized that a 40 minute walk had taken almost an hour and a half to complete and I realized that I had been standing there for 4o minutes or so. It felt like moments only. Back then I thought I had had a deep experience of god. I did not realize that this sort of experience is within the ability of any man or woman willing to take the time to practice and get good enough at concentrating the mind to enter this state.

My feelings of being "favored" by god led to arrogance and self deceit that led to years of suffering and pain. I have worked through the pain and suffering that I caused my self and others and I realize now I am very close to being able to enter this first Jhana state that I stumbled into all of those years ago. I will write more later about my progress.

Gift's Of A Boxer

2010-05-13T00:08:00.000-07:00

To start with I am talking about the canine variety of boxers and not the pugilist sort. Java, that is my boxers name, is typical for the breed. He is active and intelligent. He can jump straight up in the air and look me in the eye. I'm only five eight but it still impresses me every time. He barks and acts vicious when strangers come to the door but when we welcome the new folks in he quickly changes his attitude and then the worst they have to fear is being beaten to death with his tail. In short he is exuberant and funny and I love him, big L.

I knew when I found Java that he was going to be a wonderful companion. A friend of a friend found him living in a park and getting skinnier and skinnier as the days went by. I remember seeing him for the first time and I was struck by the color of his coat and it reminded me of a cup of coffee from Starbucks, thus the name, I called him and he came to me and there was a sort of bond right then and there. My son loved him immediately and my wife who was on record as saying, "I will have nothing to do with the dog, you will feed the dog, you will clean up after the dog, I will not do anything for the dog," well it took Java all of a week to win her over. I caught her giving him a hug one day and the next day she bought him a bed and a Harley Davidson shirt. He is a member of the family and is really the perfect dog for us.

For all of this he has given me a gift that I never expected. He has been a great teacher for meditation. Let me explain. If Java has an accident and pees on the kitchen floor I scold him and he goes to the back door head hanging. After I clean up after him not even 10 minutes later, if I go to the back door and grab his leash he immediately starts dancing the boxer dance. The scolding of 10 minutes ago no longer exists for him. He is in the present and he knows we are going for a walk and he really loves his walks. If I sit on the floor and watch TV and pet him he is totally immersed in the feel of my hand stroking his fur and scratching his neck. He is totally absorbed. When he eats he eats, when he sleeps he sleeps, when he acts the fool at the front door with the repairman there is nothing half hearted about it. He is totally and utterly absorbed with getting through the glass and tearing into the poor man. If I let the man and and Java knows that he is OK he introduces himself and sniffs the man and is very happy to make a new friend and is equally immersed in the task at hand even though seconds ago he would have been happy to draw the man's blood.

In meditation, especially Zen meditation the goal is to be in the moment. The Zen meditator sits with his eyes half closed and stares at a usually blank wall. The idea is to get used to having nothing but the wall and to start to listen to the thoughts go through your head. Maybe your mind is saying, this is boring. It is a freaking wall for heavens sake. Maybe your remembering an altercation you had earlier with a friend or perhaps the person who cut you off on the freeway. The point is you are not really there with the wall your mind is doing a million other things so afraid it is to stop. You would be surprised how hard it is to sit and actually be there. Some people are out and out afraid of doing this because it is only an overly active mind that keeps past injuries and injustices at bay. But little by little you learn to slow your thoughts and just BE and aside from not being that bad you realize that your actual reality once you stop the over active mind is one of beauty and joy. Even if you just achieve this sort of clarity for a second it is noticeable and worthwhile. It is sort of like running a marathon, you do that one step at a time. You live a life of meditative clarity one second at a time. After you get so you can do it at the wall you get up and walk in clarity, eat in clarity, sleep in clarity, make love in clarity and so on and so forth and many years from now die with a clear and unafraid mind.

In short Java achieves in his Javaness what I strive for as a goal in life and that is to be totally in the moment, whatever that moment may entail.

By the By we didn't get Java from the following organization but if you think you might like a Boxer these people do very good work.

http://savetheboxers.com/

The Arrogance Of Golf And Other George Carlin Insights

2010-04-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

The fact that I have Buddha quotes and George Carlin quotes on the same blog may seem a bit well, disrespectful. But the truths these too men uttered are not so different. Now to start with Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha's real name, was a great religious leader who has changed the world and George Carlin was an often vulgar comic who has made me change my pants because of stress incontinence, they both do have some small things in common. The Buddha said in a compassionate voice that permanence is an illusion. Carlin rails in a sort of in your face "F" you voice that man is very good at telling himself lies. Both are pointing out in very different ways that we are suffering in darkness.

Carlin pointed the darkness out with wit and raw humor. In some ways that makes him more accessible. One funny monologue talked about the "Arrogance of Golf". He pointed out what an arrogant game it is that takes up hundreds of acres of land to hit a ball the size of a large walnut into a hole the size of a small coffee can that is two to four hundred yards away. He talked about the "stupid diseases" we have here in the United States. We are so rich we have diseases like anorexia, obesity, bulimia, this that and the other addiction. He talked about how bleeding hearts really didn't care about whatever causes they were working on but that they were afraid of being inconvenienced in the future by global warming, aids, poverty, starvation and so on. Often after talking about these things he proposed a solution the the problem at hand. For instance anorexia, "rich b doesn't want to eat. "F" Her!!!!! Fact is that is his answer to most of life's problems. "F" em...... I guess that is where he and the Buddha part ways. I hope you enjoy the following clips.
George Carlin Fat People

George Carlin Death

George Carlin The Planet

2010-04-25T00:29:00.000-07:00

"Security is mostly a superstition.

It does not exist in nature

nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright

exposure.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

To keep our faces towards change and

behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is

strength undefeatable."

Helen Keller

The Alchemist, a fable by Paulo Coelho

2010-04-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

The Alchemist is a book about Santiago a young shepherd who lives in Spain. Originally at the seminary studying for the priesthood he could not find God in school and books so he became a shepherd so he could travel and learn. One night he had a dream about finding a great treasure near the pyramids in Egypt, this dream led him to begin his journey which led him to North Africa near Spain and then on to Egypt. Along the way he is helped by a mysterious King, a Silver Merchant and finally by the Alchemist himself.

The Alchemist is a minor character who appears in the later part of the book. One may wonder why such a minor character has the book named after him. I think the answer is found in the fact that the work of the alchemist can involve the changing of common metals say lead into gold, this is considered a metaphor for changing the self and becoming a deeper and more meaningful person. So in the person the work of the alchemist is to change the person from common moribund and doomed to exquisite, life giving and eternal. What this book is really about is not adventure and treasure but the adventure of self discovery and the transformation of the self.

This book is a wonderful allegory and is best read with the wide eyed wonder of the child.

I hope you enjoy it.

R

The Horror of the Shade

2009-10-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

There is an inherent horror in being alive. I see it everywhere. I see it every time I drive down the road and observe the remains of a small innocent animal crushed out of existence by some car who's driver is probably not even aware of taking a life. He is too busy listening to the radio or talking on the cell to be aware of the tragic death he has caused. I see it glorified in video games and movies. I see it every time I read the paper or watch the news. I am a fragile creature who can be killed in so many ways. I can be infected and killed by animals to small to be seen. I can lose my life to accident, violence, stupidity or just old age. In short I am food for worms and it scares me so that I do evil on myself and others. It is always there for me. When it is quiet and dark I look into the corner of my mind and I see him there. Death stares back at me with his wild eyes. As I look into his wild eyes, tears come to my own.

In the past I have tried to escape the horror. I have used many techniques.

My first run in the death was when I was 5 years old. My Grandpa had died. I looked at him laying in is coffin and I wondered what was different. Just a week or so before he was walking and laughing and playing with me and now he was not. I remember asking my Mother what was different. She told me that Grandpa was sleeping now and would one day be resurrected and would live forever with Jesus. Well this was Mom and so I took her explanation as the truth and it gave me comfort for a while.

I don't know how long a while was but my curious nature started a line of questioning that has not ended to this day. I began to see the different and and conflicting religions and came to the only honest conclusion I could. I realized they could not all be right. Even among Christians there are many different routes to heaven and eternal life. Yes yes they all say believe in Jesus and be saved but in the end they each have their own ax to grind. They each have there own special take on the subject. Throw in the other major religions and you have so many voices telling you so many different things it is hard to know which voice to listen to.

I would really like to pick a voice and listen to its message and be comforted with the thought of Mohandas Gandhi. He said something like this, the different religions are just different manifestations of the same God. So I would be on one of many paths to God and I could do that but for one thing. I again become the mindless driver crushing life from the innocents as I speed along listening to whatever station I have the radio tuned to. In occurs to me that once I start on that path and accept that point of view (whatever that point of view is) I am a participant in the evil I see around me. Even though I never fire a shot I am part of the evil of Christian vs Muslim vs Hindu vs Sikh, vs this that and the other. I become a part of that mindset that says this is the way and by saying this I damn others. I am going along and crushing the life out of the innocents so I do not need to be afraid.

I am sure I take this all too seriously and maybe I should just go to Church or Temple or whatever but I do not. I can not. Because in the end I do not believe nor do I care to believe.

I thought about just ignoring the problem of the horror. There are so many ways to do it. Food, drugs, sex, video games LOL, yes yes I include video games because they become the world of some people. In this world they are in control and godlike. I think video games are just a way to get out of living life. In all of these solutions I am sacrificing myself and I am still a coward and I am giving the horror something of great value so it will leave me in peace.

Then there are addictive relationships, the relationship could be with a parent, friend, spouse, child or lover. In these relationships we are lost in the embrace of the other we enslave ourselves and we enslave the other. I can not do this, any of this. In the end all of these solutions are just a way of sleeping and not living. I once again find myself driving along not realizing I have run over my loved one to escape the horror.

So where ever I turn to deal with this I am either sacrificing myself or another. I am either enslaving or being enslaved. I would rather die. And that leads me to what for me has been an elegant solution.

I will just die. It occurs to me that it is enough to know that Life and Identity exist. I do not need to waste my time with religion, sex, food, drugs or the rest of it to deal with the horror of my demise. I do not need to go to sleep to the horror. I have made peace with the horror and now instead of running from it or placating it or sacrificing the innocents to it I accept it and invite the horror along as a friend.

Everyday I stop and look for my wild eyed friend in the corner. He is there and he is whispering to me. He is whispering to me to enjoy every moment. Even and especially the painful ones because it will all come to an end. If I will listen he will not let me fall asleep. He will not let me miss one minute. And so my greatest enemy is my greatest friend. When I look into that corner I smile and tears come to my eyes. They are not tears of horror or fear but of thankfulness for being awake for this miracle. The miracle of LIFE.

Be Gentle With Yourself

2009-09-14T11:03:00.000-07:00

It amazes me at mans capacity to be cruel to himself. As cruel as we can be to each other and we can be cruel (beheading video anyone?) I think we are more cruel to ourselves. That just may explain the beheading video.

Think of it. How many people kill themselves day after day with self destructive behavior. Alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual addiction, gluttony are just a few of a myriad of ways we have devised to hurt ourselves. We have more sadistic ways. Religion is my favorite. How many times do we punish ourselves for not measuring up to ten ancient rules of conduct, dietary laws, prayer schedules, dress, deportment etc. How about those personal battles when we have evil thoughts and punish ourselves for misfiring neurons.

Our internal dialogs are more damning than the most emotionally abusive parent could ever be. We call ourselves stupid, ugly, unworthy, evil. We damn ourselves and thereby damn the world that we live in.

The world in which we live starts with those closest to us. These are the very ones we should be blessing and we end up damning. We fail at being gentle with ourselves and this leads to failing our dear ones in the same manner. They in turn fail their dear ones and so it goes till we are killing each other over whatever reason we have handy.

The first step is to be honest, you have not always been gentle with yourself. Often your not even aware that you are being cruel to yourself because the thoughts of self doubt, self loathing and hatred are many times so common to your mind they seem a natural thing. They are not. Those thoughts are a learned behavior. If they can be learned they can be unlearned. We have been walking in the sewers of our imaginations for too long.

Bath in the awareness of your own mindfullness and the offending thoughts will become more apparent. Do this by taking quiet moments for yourself and count your breaths. Count one and breath in naturally. Notice the air filling your lungs. Expand your belly and let your lower lungs fill up. Notice the tiny almost non existent pause between your breathing in and out. Notice the air leaving your lungs. Notice the way your belly naturally deflates. Notice the tiny pause before you inhale. Count two and do it again. Yes I'm talking about meditation again. The goal is to walk in mindfulness in each step with each word and with each action. A work of a lifetime perhaps but one with immediate benefits.

As the thoughts that cause you and you world pain come into your consciousness wink at them. Let them go and forgive yourself for your wrongs. Be aware of what you blame yourself for. Much of it is not your fault. Wink and laugh at your own stupidity. You are a monkey beating yourself with a stick. It serves no purpose except as a disturbing spectacle for the unworthy.

It takes a lot of energy to be self loathing. It takes almost as much to spread this to others. Use the energy you save for more worthy things. Work out. Take up a hobby. Help the poor. Make love more often. Write a blog.

Disney World for the Mind, part 3

2009-09-04T00:10:00.000-07:00

Why should I want to have Lucid Dreams? This is a good question and apart from the fun aspect there are many reasons a person may want to develop the ability to have Lucid Dreams.

How many of us have fears that we could start to overcome in our dreams. I for instance have a fear (Big F) of heights. My hands tremble at being more than a dozen or so feet up off of the ground. I remember the first time I flew in my lucid dreams. I was actually fearful of losing control and plunging to the earth. Funny huh, I knew that there was nothing to fear because I was sleeping but I was afraid anyway. I flew and learned to let go of my fears in my dreams. As a result I have learned to let go of my fear of heights in real life.

In real life there are so many missed opportunities. How nice would it be to talk to a passed loved one and tell them how much they met to us or to confront someone who did not treat us properly. Yes I know the people in our dreams are not real but the feelings of closure you may experience are real.

You may have real problems that you can not seem to solve. While dreaming you have assess to parts of your mind that are normally off limits to you. You may easily find the answer to a problem of love, friendship or other life choices.

Lucid dreaming offers many opportunities that are practical and worthwhile. Beyond solving problems, resolving conflict and overcoming fears there are a myriad of other things that can be accomplished with lucid dreaming. I think the next time I have a lucid dream I may conjure up Sigmund Freud and maybe Carl Jung and we can brainstorm on more ways to use this wonderful skill.

Disney World for the Mind, part 2

2009-09-02T15:16:00.001-07:00

Needless to say lucid dreaming was a toy and I played with it every night. I sort of stumbled into Lucid Dreaming and so I didn't have to learn how to do it but over a period of time the dreams came less often and I really missed flying like a bird or visiting other worlds. This led me to research the lucid dreaming process and to see if there was anything to be done to increase my lucid dreaming. I found two valuable techniques that worked for me. I hope they work for you as well.

Dream recall is the key to lucid dreaming. If you don't have good recall don't worry here is a simple exercise to increase your memory of your dreams. When you wake in the morning before you move or even open your eyes try to remember your dreams. You will find that in this relaxed state you will be able to at least remember snippets of your dreams. As you practice this you will find that you will remember more and more of your dreams. They will be more available to your conscious mind. I believe that this practice helps create a strong link between the conscious and unconscious minds so the barrier between waking thought and dreams is broken down. It didn't take me long at all to increase my recall and my lucid dreaming increased several fold.

The second technique that helped me sounds sort of absurd. Several times during the day I might ask myself, am I dreaming?. Then I test this by trying something that is only possible in a dream like flying or turning someone into a chicken. If I can not turn someone into a chicken then I am probably not dreaming. If I can then I probably am. The thing is if you do this in your waking hours then your conscious mind will start to do this during your dream time and you will become more aware of your dreaming thus waking in your dreams.

I hope these two techniques will help any who want to learn to do this sort of dreaming. There are many good reasons to explore lucid dreaming. I will discuss those in my next post.

Disney World for the Mind

2009-08-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

When I was in High School I played trumpet in the concert band. During my junior year I was excited to learn the band would be going on a trip to Florida. We would give concerts at different venues and of course there was a visit planned to Disney World. We spent a Tuesday at the park and I spent the whole day enthralled. From the first topiary of a Ivy Dragon undulating through the lawn to the fireworks that night I was in an imaginary world and I let myself forget about reality for the whole day. I let the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and the Flying Teacups be my reality. A few years later I discovered a Disney World for the mind. The Disney World of sleep and Lucid Dreaming.

It all started when I started nursing school and between study and work I was very busy and very stressed. One night I fell asleep on the sofa and started to dream. In my dream I saw an old wooden door with pealing green paint. As I looked at that door I seemed to have made the conscious realization that I was dreaming. That is to say I was asleep and dreaming but my conscious mind woke up in the dream and became aware of the process of dreaming. I immediately decided to test out this awareness. I decided to make my father come through the door. I knew he was over 300 miles away at the time and the only way he could come through that door was for me to be in a dream. I thought it and it happened. I said hi, then I turned to look around the room and the dream ended. I had had my first of many Lucid Dreams.

Interestingly enough the next night I dreamed of the same wooden door. I immediately knew I was dreaming when I saw the door. This time I had a beautiful woman come through the pealing green paint. OK not the most noble thing to do but my dream self was smiling ear to ear. Over the next several months I flew (my favorite lucid dreaming activity), I visited famous people both present and past, I talked to angels and demons, I met dragons and pirates.

I had discovered Disney World in my mind and it was more real than the theme park could ever be because this dreaming was a part of me and my mind. It was and is amazing.

Think of the possibilities. Being able to participate in any activity, talk to any person, confront any situation. I continue to lucid dream to this day .

My next post will have tips for having lucid dreams.

I Am The Luckiest Man In The World

2009-08-12T15:02:00.000-07:00

I am the luckiest man in the world all because I had a big problem.

My problem began during a night shift at the hospital where I worked as a nurse. The short story is that blood from a man infected with both AIDS and hepatitis B had sprayed into my eyes while I administered blood to him. I clearly remembered the wetness entering my eyes and the temporary sensation of blindness. My heart sank to my stomach and stayed there for months. But it did not stay there permanently.

A week into this dilemma I was already tired of putting on a brave face. I was wondering if I was going to get sick and die, I was wondering how it would affect my family and I wondered about death. To deal with my anxieties and fears I made a deal with myself. I told myself that each day I would walk in the park and take a vacation from my problem. I told myself that I would just walk and when thoughts of any sort came to my mind I would let them go and redirect my mind towards my walk. The very next morning after working the night shift at the hospital I kept this promise for the first time of many times.

My technique was very simple. I walked. As my mind wondered I focused on the walk and then refocused each time my mind wondered. I actually focused on the feeling of my feet coming into contact with the path and the movement of my body through space. When thoughts would come into my mind I would be aware of the thought but would not interact with them. I would only give my thoughts the simple label (thought) then I would watch it pass and refocus on the feeling and sound of my footfalls.

Footfall by footfall I was able to focus more easily on my walk and I had a greater awareness of the tangle of thoughts that routinely went through my mind. I acknowledged each thought for what it was, a thought. I ceased to judge them as good or bad I became aware of the feelings they caused but I ceased to judge the feelings only acknowledge them as thoughts also. Footfall by footfall my heart became lighter.

This process of meditation and yes it is meditation was like slowly turning on a light in a huge warehouse and discovering all the things I have ever owned or been associated with. From the first diaper that covered my bottom to the new computer I just bought all the things were there. The warehouse is my mind and the objects are all my collected thoughts and emotions. The slowly illuminating light is this meditation. I was amazed at how many thoughts would filter through my mind in a five minute period. Hundreds easily. As I meditated my mind became calmer. The thoughts became less frequent and I was more aware of them. I found that much of the anxiety, fear, stress and depression I often felt were the results of thoughts of things that had absolutely nothing to do with what was going on in the here and now.

When all of this started I would have characterized myself as a moderately to severely anxious person. I was shut off from much of what life had to offer. Meditation has resulted in a calmer mind and a more abundant life.

I think sometimes I am the luckiest man in the world. Without realizing it I fell backwards into a form of meditation that opened my mind to the beauty of this world and my capacity to live in it. Today my heart often dances.

Where is the matter?

2009-08-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

I demonstrated a few Tai Chi moves for an acquaintance. He saw the very slow fluid movements and said in a nasal tone "It would never work in a fight; it's too slow, too weak." I explained that it would be done faster in a confrontation and that Tai Chi was supposed to be practiced at a very slow steady pace with your minds full attention on the moves and the movement of Chi in the body. "What's Chi?" He asked.

Something about his expression told me that he was not going to be open to the idea of a life giving energy but I marched on. "Chi" I said, "is the force that is in all living things and animates us. Without it life would not be possible." I saw his face contort in concentration. He said, "How come scientists don't talk about this energy, if they don't talk about it they probably have never found it. So where is this energy?" He asked.

"The truth is," I shot back, "some scientists have been able to verify the existence of Chi through sophisticated heat sensing devices on the bodies of practitioners of meditation. The real question is not where the energy is but where the matter is." My acquaintance held his arm up and slapped it making a loud smack. "What do you mean? It's here and everywhere. It is all around us."

I nodded in agreement with him. "I know what your saying seems right but consider this. Most of the area in atoms, the little blocks that makes up us and everything around us, are to a great extent empty space. An atom is made up of a nucleus and electrons orbiting the nucleus. The thing is an electrons orbit can be up to 100,000 times the diameter of the nucleus. That means that if you enlarge a single atom to where the nucleus is one inch across the electrons could be up to a mile and a half away. His face fell somewhat blank. I continued.

It gets stranger than that. The electrons are much smaller than the nucleus. They might look like dust particles floating in the air. "My acquaintance asked, "If that is true why does my arm feel so solid?". He waved the arm in my face as if to say the discussion was over. I smiled knowing at this point he would not accept what I had to say but I explained that the electrons and the nucleus have strong electrical bonds that give matter its solidity.

He looked at me like I was crazy and turned and walked away. He had heard my words but did not accept them as true.

The truth is I don't know exactly what Chi is. I don't know whether or not it has anything to do with western physics. Although I suspect it does. I don't know if what the scientists are measuring on the meditating monks is chi or something else.

I do know we are made of energy. The fact that we and everything in our world seems solid is a trick on the interface devices of our senses.

What I do know is that the Chinese culture has a deep tradition concerning this. Internal energy is regarded as a fact of life. I know that Buddhist monks can use Chi to dry damp robes on their bodies on a cold morning while meditating. I also know that if the Chinese are right about Chi it wouldn't be the first time that their understanding of beneficial health practices is far in advance of ours. They knew all about boiling water to make it safe to drink a long time before we did here in the west. Just one of many examples.

Personally I know while performing standing meditation I almost always feel a sort of tingling sensation in my hands and sometimes the rest of my body. It feels like a nine volt battery releasing its charge through my flesh. Sometimes my hands repulse each other slightly like magnets. One time I am sure I raised my arms over my head without using my muscles. That is what I can say first hand about Chi. This is the beginning of my Nei Kung (internal energy) Odyssey.